


Reputation

by Coby_Thinks



Series: R&R [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, College AU, Human AU, M/M, Multi, PTSD, Sickness, Vomit, a cruel cruel man, etc. etc. - Freeform, idk man, lets get some Remus angst, not taking care of oneself, why am I so mean, y'all I'm a cruel man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22810654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coby_Thinks/pseuds/Coby_Thinks
Summary: Remus knew his reputation, he was proud of it. Remus had tried very hard to gain the reputation he had. He just liked people, and he especially liked having spur of the moment, consensual, safe sex with people.That was the problem now.His reputation.His goddamned reputation.WARNINGS: Rape/non-con, self-deprecation, vomit, sickness, PTSD, angst, semi-happy ending but not a great ending
Relationships: Creativitwins - Relationship, Platonic Loceit - Relationship, mentioned prinxiety, platonic dukeceit, platonic patmus, pre-patmus
Series: R&R [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757404
Comments: 36
Kudos: 264





	Reputation

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not gonna apologize for this

Remus knew his reputation, he was proud of it. Remus had tried very hard to gain the reputation he had. That reputation? Well, there were many words for it that a lot of people found offensive. He preferred the term slut, personally, but mostly just because it made people uncomfortable. Especially Roman - and Remus had no problem making his brother uncomfortable.

So, all through highschool Remus was glad to get himself the reputation of the boy who slept with every single person in the school. Obviously, that was an overstatement, as he would never force anyone to have sex with him, but he would say that he had sex with a good half of the school. 

So, starting college he’d announced to Roman his plan to do the exact same thing. Roman despised it, and that was one reason Remus was announcing it. He just liked people, and he especially liked having spur of the moment, consensual, safe sex with people.

That was the problem now. 

His reputation.

His goddamned reputation.

Remus pulled his jacket tighter around himself, rubbing tears from his face. He swiped his key-card into the lock, slipping quietly into the dorm building. It was late, but his roommates were used to him getting home late by now. Remus blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of the thoughts and emotions his mind was switching between.

He was scared and upset, and he felt guilty and sick but mostly…. He just felt numb. He’d always hated feeling numb. Remus tried his best to stay quiet as he slipped into his room, glancing over at his roommate’s bed. He was, for once, sleeping instead of studying. Good, he needed more sleep.

Remus quickly changed into pajamas, slipping into his admittedly underused bed. Unfortunately, with nothing to focus on like walking home, keeping covered, finding his wallet in the pocket of his jacket, his mind found other things to linger on. Other, incredibly disgruntling things.

Things like the unwelcome hands gripping his wrists. Things like the words whispered in his ear, that he knew couldn't be true but also couldn't be sure were false. Things like the fact that no one would care at all if Remus tried to tell anyone what happened, because he was what he’d made himself and there was no one else to blame. Things like the way he hated every piece of himself and that his skin felt like fire and filth and he detested it. 

Remus pulled the blankets tighter around himself, even though it felt suffocating and awful, and clamped his eyes shut tightly against the darkness of the room.

Remus didn’t sleep a wink that night.

* * *

He was fine. Everything was fine.

Remus did what he did every morning, getting dressed and teasing his roommate and drinking orange juice in his cereal just to annoy him. Nothing was different, nothing was wrong. Because nothing had happened.

Of course, nothing had happened.

Remus hated everything that morning. He hated his reflection in the mirror when he saw the dark hickeys on his neck, and he wore a sweatshirt to try and hide them. He hated the way his roommate looked at him because he saw the marks and he thought Remus had just gone out and done what he usually did again. Remus wanted to throw up everything in his stomach but he choked it down anyway because he had to pretend that nothing was wrong.

Because nothing was wrong.

He managed to do it all morning, acting the way he always did and saying the things he always said and being the person he always was.

Then he was walking past the library, and he looked up, and he locked eyes with someone and everything froze.

No.

No no no no no.

It was him. The person that had done that to him last night. That person and his friends, who smirked and looked away from him and ignored him.

Remus forced himself to move, bursting out into the courtyard and grabbing a trashcan before vomiting into it.

He heard a few gasps, a few soft snickers, and a few people’s conversations fell quiet for a moment. But no one approached. Footsteps continued, conversations picked back up, and Remus felt so incredibly isolated as he stood hunched over the can. He was isolated. He didn’t have friends. He had fuckbuddies. He had acquaintances that didn’t even want to get to know him better. Just the way he wanted it. Remus had done this to himself.

That goddamn reputation.

Remus stood upright, wiping his mouth with a grimace before continuing toward his next class, eyes trained on the ground. That, he supposed, was uncommon for him. But he didn’t want to look at anyone right now - especially not himself.

He didn’t end up going to class.

Remus stood outside the door, staring at it for nearly five minutes before he slowly turned around and walked away.

Where was he going?

Remus wasn’t sure.

Did it matter?

Remus didn’t think so.

Nothing was wrong, nothing was wrong, nothing was wrong.

He was fine. Everything was fine.

Everything was wrong.

Remus found himself back in his room, where he really didn’t spend a lot of time on most days. He was always out doing things - going to classes or flirting or hooking up with people - and despite it being a few months into the school year, his side of the room still had that ‘new apartment’ feel to it. He’d tried sleeping - but being in the bed just made images and sensations flash through his mind and he wanted to  _ scream  _ but he didn’t. Instead, he just sat on his chair, spinning in lazy circles as he stared at nothing.

He thought idly of texting Roman, telling him what happened and asking for help. But he didn’t move to do this, instead he just thought of ways that might go wrong.

Roman might tell other people.

Roman might not care.

Roman might think Remus was lying.

Roman might hate Remus.

Roman might say that it was Remus’s fault.

Oh, god. Remus blinked back tears. It was his fault. He knew very well it was his fault. But hearing Roman say it would hurt so much more than anything else could.

Remus closed his eyes, the sensations of those hands on his body returning. The cold terror that had filled him rising back up. The shame and disgust as he thought about what had happened. What they’d done. What he’d let them do.

The door to their room opened and Remus jumped, whirling around only to see his roommate in the doorway.

“Oh. Remus.” Logan adjusted his glasses, seeming surprised. “I didn’t expect you to be here… are you quite alright?”

“Oh, I’m better than ever!” the lie came easily and Remus grinned. It hurt. It hurt to smile. It hurt to lie. But what else was he supposed to do? “Why?”

“You’re never home during the day.” Logan shrugged, depositing his bag on his own chair. “But you can do whatever you like, I suppose. I can’t stop you.” 

Remus shrugged, resuming his melancholy spinning. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Logan retrieved a book from his desk and left to the living room, undoubtedly wanting to read somewhere Remus was not.

Self-hatred bubbled up in Remus’s stomach as he glimpsed his reflection in the window. He was disgusting.

* * *

“Roman, isn’t that your brother?” 

“Hm?” Roman looked up from his textbook, over to where Virgil was pointing. 

Sure enough, Remus was across the courtyard talking to a group of baseball players. Roman frowned, though, as he took in his brother’s appearance. He was wearing… normal clothes. He was paler than usual, and his hair was more disheveled than he liked it to be. As Roman watched, one of the baseball players reached out and grabbed Remus’s arm. He smirked. Oh, this was going to be-

Remus didn’t retaliate.

Something was wrong.

Roman stood up, eyes narrowed.

“...Roman?”

“Hush.” Roman hissed.

Remus let himself be shoved aside into the wall, head drooping sadly and shoulders hunching up next to his ears. Faint laughter met Roman’s ears as the group moved away, leaving Remus still slumped against the wall.

Remus didn’t fight back. He didn’t insult them back, and he didn’t hit them back. He didn’t even move, now, after they were gone.

“Something’s wrong.” Roman started over, forgoing any explanation to his friends. 

Remus didn’t see him approach, mostly because before Roman got there, he’d stumbled to a trashcan and was vomiting into it.

“Remus?” Roman touched his brother’s shoulder and Remus gasped, grip tightening on the rim of the garbage can. “Whoa- it’s just me.”

“Roman?” Remus’s voice shook. Remus’s voice never shook. He reached up, wiping the side of his mouth before turning to meet Roman’s eyes.

Oh.

Oh, he looked awful.

Roman stared in surprise at the dark circles under his brother’s eyes, the way Remus seemed to shrink in on himself in a way that Roman had never seen him do. Roman didn’t know what to say, but he opened his arms.

Remus stared at him for a moment, and Roman was afraid he might run away. But instead, he sank into Roman’s embrace, slowly, as if terrified of it. Remus wasn’t scared of anything. Roman didn’t know what to do.

“Remus…” what could he say? Remus’s shoulders shook and he started to sob into Roman’s shoulder. “I’ve got you.”

Roman looked up and met Virgil’s eyes from where the other was standing a few yards away. He shook his head, baffled, feeling his heart clench every time Remus choked out a sob. He hadn’t heard his brother cry in years - not since they were kids. Remus was obviously trying his best to stay quiet - which was so unlike him.

“Just- ah, come sit down.” Roman gently pulled Remus toward the table he and Virgil had been sitting at. Remus stumbled slightly, but let Roman guide him to the bench.

“I-I don’t… Roman, I’m sorry…” Remus mumbled softly through his tears.

“Rem… Remus, here.” Roman dived under the table for his backpack, finding his water bottle and handing it over. “Just… breathe for a minute. Okay? I’m not… mad at you or anything.” Remus sputtered out a sound of disbelief but managed to calm himself and drink from the bottle, still not meeting Roman’s eyes.

“Are… is everything… okay?” Virgil asked softly, chewing on his thumbnail.

“O-oh, of course, it is,” Remus said softly, voice a strange mix of sarcastic and numb. Roman hated that. “Jus-just me… being my… being my ridiculous self. That’s all. Af-after… after all… I ask-asked for… I asked for this…” 

“What?” Roman scowled. What the hell was Remus talking about? “Remus… you’re upset. You’re crying. It’s been years since I saw you cry. Why on earth… of course, you didn’t want this, whatever it is.”

“No, I fucked up.” Remus buried his face in his arms. Roman awkwardly patted his brother’s shoulder. What was he supposed to do? Remus was the most stubborn person he knew, except-

“Bullshit.” Virgil snapped. Roman shot him a look and Remus’s head shot up. “You’re not okay, and it’s not your fault, so-”

“What do you know!” Remus snapped, standing up so fast that Roman fell off the bench.

“Rem-”

“Shut it!” Remus glared at him, stumbling away as tears rolled down his face once more. “I don’t care what you think, or what you say, I’m fine! I’m getting what I deserve and you two can back the fuck off!”

“Remus, wait-” Roman ducked when Remus aimed a kick at his head before running away.

“...didn’t expect that,” Virgil said softly.

“He’s not okay.” Roman swallowed, closing his eyes. “I just wanted to help.”

* * *

“Whoa - you okay, kiddo?” Remus flinched when someone grabbed his hands, pulling them away from his hair. “It’s getting pretty late, and you’re soaking! How long’ve you been sitting here?”

“Don’t touch me!” Remus hissed, tugging his hands away. To his surprise, the stranger released him immediately.

“Oh, sorry. You wanna step inside and get some coffee? My treat.”

“I can pay for myself,” Remus mumbled as he stumbled to his feet, blinking rainwater out of his eyes.

"If you want to, sure." the stranger smiled, leading Remus into the small coffee shop. It couldn't still be open, what time was it?

“Who are you?” Remus asked rudely, halting just inside the door. The stranger giggled, running a hand through their curly hair.

“Oh, sorry about that! I’m Patton! What’s your name?”

“...Remus.” Remus didn’t take the hand that Patton held out, instead hugging himself tighter.

“Nice to meet ya, kiddo!” Patton beamed. “You need to call anyone while I get that coffee? Wouldn’t wanna get stranded here or anything!”

“Uh, no.” Remus shook his head. “I don’t wanna call someone - uh, isn’t this place closed?”

“Oh, right!” Patton laughed. “I actually work here, it’s my brothers' place. Any requests for your coffee?”

“J-just something sweet,” Remus said softly, even though he despised sweet things. He needed comfort - and sweet things made him think of Roman - and he wished he hadn’t run away from Roman. But he wasn’t going to go running back, especially after ignoring Roman’s calls all afternoon. 

“Coming right up!” Patton smiled, gesturing to a chair. Remus sank into it, clasping his hands together to avoid pulling at his hair any more. “That rain came outta nowhere, huh? Not surprised you weren’t ready! I was hoping it’d ease up before I left - maybe now it will.”

“Yeah,” Remus mumbled, smiling slightly. His phone vibrated again and he took it from his pocket, setting it on the table and staring at it until Roman’s contact picture vanished. A few more text messages popped up, but he swiped them away.

“Here we go!” Patton sat across from him a few minutes later, placing a caramel hot chocolate before him and sipping from his own. “So, I know it’s none of my business really, but what’s gotcha out here in the rain?”

“...what?” Remus squinted up at Patton, mind racing. Why did he care? What did he want? Why was he being so nice to Remus? No one was ever nice to Remus. He’d made sure of that. Of course, maybe Patton somehow didn’t know him. Maybe he wasn’t a student at the college at all, and he’d never heard of Remus’s cursed reputation.

“I know y’don’t know me, but I just worry about people in general.” Patton laughed softly. “I wanna know if there’s anything I can do?”

“...it’s my own fault.” Remus sighed, picking up the hot chocolate, but putting it down again without drinking it. “I isolated myself, you know.”

“Hmm, I get that.” Patton nodded, then looked down when Remus’s phone started ringing again. It was Roman, still trying to contact him after almost eight hours. 

“He doesn’t know when to quit,” Remus muttered, glaring at it. “I told him to fuck off. I told him there was nothing he could do. But could he listen to me for once in our lives? No, of course not.”

“Sounds like he cares about you,” Patton said slowly, watching as the vibrating stopped again and a few more texts appeared, begging Remus to answer. “Who is he?”

“My brother.” Remus sighed, burying his head in his hands. “God, what am I doing? Why am I here? Why the hell are you being nice to me? Does it look like I deserve someone to be nice to me?”

He expected Patton to say what Roman would say. Of course. Of course, he deserved it.

“I don’t care if you deserve it or not,” Patton said instead. “I want to see you smile.”

Remus lifted his head, staring wide-eyed at the man in front of him. Patton had the most bittersweet smile on his face, and he met Remus’s eyes for a moment.

“But you don’t have to smile for me if you don’t want to.” Patton looked away, shoulders hunching slightly. “I just wanna make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m not,” Remus said softly, voice breaking. He hadn’t said it aloud since the whole thing happened. He didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t want to accept that it happened. But he had to. “I’m really not.”

The memories of that night flashed through his mind, and Remus grimaced, curling in on himself. He could still feel it - all of it. He could hear it, feel it, it was happening again. It was never going to stop happening. He hated it. He hated all of it.

* * *

“Hello?” Roman almost cried in relief when someone answered. He was so relieved he didn’t realize it was a completely unfamiliar voice.

“Remus! Where the hell are you? Your roommate says you’re not back yet, and-”

“Oh, I’m not…” the voice laughed sadly, and Roman froze. “He, uh, he’s kinda passed out. He had a panic attack, and I couldn't… get him to breathe… he’s breathing now, though! And when you called, I kinda just… answered it.”

“Where is he?” Roman demanded, looking at Virgil with wide eyes.

“Um…” the person hesitated. “He… didn’t want… maybe I shouldn’t have answered, actually.”

“Please, I swear to god, please tell me where he is!” Roman begged, tears welling up in his eyes. “He’s not okay, I need to-”

“Oh, I know that.” the voice sighed. “I didn’t just leave him on the floor or anything, you know. I got him to my place and comfy and safe and then you called him. I’m not dumb.”

“Where. Are. You.” Roman grit out, clenching his fists.

“Listen!” the person snapped, finally seeming to compose themselves. “I answered because I wanted to let you know your brother was safe. I’ve done that. Remus is an adult, and he said he didn’t want to talk to you. I’m not telling you where he is - I don’t know who you are or what you’ve done to him. So he’s safe, and he can contact you if he wants to.” 

And with that, the line went dead.

Roman sank onto the couch, his phone slipping from his fingers as he took in what the stranger had said.

What Roman had done? Roman hadn’t done anything! Was Remus hurt? Was he okay? What was going on? Why didn’t he want to talk to Roman?

“Ro, what happened?” Virgil demanded.

“H-he’s okay.” Roman sighed softly, closing his eyes to try not to sob. “Um, he had a panic attack and passed out, apparently. The person with him said he was safe. But they won’t… I don’t know… he sounded like he thought I did something. Like Remus was afraid of me - I haven’t done anything to Remus!”

“Okay.” Virgil grimaced, obviously thinking quickly. “But he’s safe.”

“I think so,” Roman whispered.

“So we can get in contact with him tomorrow.” Virgil nodded. “You need sleep, and you can’t talk to him right now anyway seeing as he’s asleep too.”

“Right.” Roman buried his face in his hands, shoulders shaking with sobs. Virgil hugged him gently, and that’s how Roman fell asleep.

* * *

Remus woke up in an unfamiliar place, so immediately warning bells rang in his head.

He shot upward, already mentally taking everything into account. What was he feeling down there? Was he restrained? Was he thinking clearly?

Nothing new, no, and surprisingly, yes.

Remus looked around, finding he was on the hideabed in a living room he’d never seen before. He saw sunlight through the window, and there were voices through a doorway to his right.

He was unhappy to find he’d been changed from his jeans into sweatpants, but his t-shirt was intact and the jeans were folded on the coffee table, with his shoes on the floor underneath.

Remus rubbed his eyes, listening to the voices to try and figure out what was going on.

“You really should have told them where he is.” an unfamiliar one said slowly.

“I know, I know.” that one Remus knew. It was… his eyes widened as he remembered the previous night at the coffee shop. Patton. “But… Dee, you don’t get it. Something happened to him, I could tell. And he didn’t want his brother to find him, and… I just couldn't help but worry.”

“Something.” the stranger - Dee - slowly sighed. “Something like what happened to you, I’m guessing? That’s why I don’t get it?” 

Patton stayed silent for a moment, and Remus’s mind raced. What happened to Patton? Who hurt him? The idea of someone hurting Patton - who Remus barely knew - made Remus want to kill someone.

“Well, I can’t say I’m not glad you got him someplace safe.” Dee sighed. “We’re gonna have to clear the air about his brother, though. If he’s not the one who hurt him, we can’t really keep him away.”

“Yeah, we can,” Patton said moodily. “If Remus doesn’t wanna see him, he doesn’t have to. That’s just the way it is.”

“You’re saying that because you see it from his point of view.” Dee snapped. “I see it from his brothers - you think I’d be happy if you forced me away? Not by a long shot. I’d have knocked out anyone who tried to keep me outta your hospital room and you know it.”

“I guess.” Patton sighed. Remus realized with a jolt that the voices were getting closer, and moments later Patton poked his head in. “oh! You're awake! Thank goodness!”

“He’s finally up?” Dee appeared, and Remus stared at the two of them for a few minutes. Patton was shorter, with curly hair and freckles and glasses. Dee was skinny, and he had scars across one side of his face, but his hair and eyes were the same as Patton’s.

“Um…” Remus rubbed his eyes, taking a shaky breath. “What happened, exactly? How did I get here, I…” he covered his mouth when sobs threatened to erupt.

“You had a panic attack,” Patton explained, skipping softly over to sit on the edge of the hideabed. “And you passed out, and I didn’t know what to do, so…”

“This is your house?” Remus asked, carefully controlling his voice. Patton nodded. 

“I wanted to get you in all dry clothes, but… I didn’t wanna hurt you somehow, so I just got the jeans off. Your shirt is dry now, though.”

“Oh.” Remus nodded, shoulders falling sadly. 

“Oh hey,” Dee spoke up, eyes widening slightly. “I know you - you go to Sanders University!”

“Wh- you do!?” Remus scrambled back, pressing his back against the wall. Great. Just great. Of course. Once Dee realized who he was, he’d be out of here in moments.

“Yeah, you threw up in the courtyard a few days ago.” Dee nodded, folding his arms with a frown. “I’ve seen you around a few times before that, though.”

“Are you sick?” Patton gasped, eyes widening in worry. “D’you need anything? Are you-”

“I-I’m not sick.” Remus stammered, avoiding their eyes. “Um… hah… I’ll get outta here as soon as I can, I promise, I-”

“Whoa whoa whoa.” Dee held up his hands in a time out sign. “Who said anything about you leaving? You had a panic attack last night, we have no idea why, and it’s obvious that something bad happened to you.”

“What are you talking about?” Remus demanded.

“You.. talk in your sleep,” Patton said softly. “I guess y’were having a nightmare or something, but uhm…”

“Oh.” Remus winced. “Okay, but you don’t want me to leave?” he pointed the question at Dee. “I know I’m not… uh, I don’t have a great reputation. Most people don’t really like me that much.”

“I think you give stereotypes too much credit.” Dee rolled his eyes. “But no, I don’t care what people say about you or how you act. You’re not safe, and you’re staying here until we know you are.”

“No one is ever safe.” Remus pointed out. “At any moment there could be a fire, or an earthquake, or a tsunami, or a tornado, or the sun could explode! Or we could spontaneously combust!”

Dee grinned as he rambled on, and Patton just looked more upset.

“Wh-why do you have all these off the top of your head?” Patton asked fearfully.

“Why not?”

“Come get something to eat, Remus.” Dee waved him toward the kitchen. “We can talk about your safety afterward, okay?”

“Okay.” Remus swallowed fearfully, following Patton and Dee into the kitchen, where Dee set to putting waffles in the toaster.

“How much of the conversation did you hear?” Patton asked, sitting next to him at the table.

“Oh.” Remus sighed. “Um, some of it. Roman… didn’t hurt me, by the way. He’s just a dumbass.”

“Brothers usually are.” Dee agreed.

“Yeah- hEY!” Patton pouted. “You’re mean!”

“Am I wrong?”

“...no,” Patton muttered, folding his arms. Dee chuckled, presenting a few paper plates with toaster waffles before sitting down across from them.

“Well, I’m glad to know your brother didn’t hurt you,” he said slowly. “But I still want to know who did, and how to keep you safe.”

Remus decided to eat the waffle instead of answering. Dee didn’t ask again until they’d finished, and Remus really had no reason not to answer.

“Y’don’t have to tell us,” Patton said softly.

“You kind of have to tell us,” Dee said before Remus could respond. “Or we could call the cops or take you to a hospital instead. Your choice.”

“I did this to myself.” Remus snapped, curling up in his chair. “I keep trying to tell people that - there’s nothing wrong! Nothing that isn’t normal! This is all just… me!”

“...Patt, wanna step out for a sec?” Dee asked, looking to his brother. 

Patton stared at him for a moment, but nodded and left. Traitor. Remus stared at the table, shoulders hunched.

“Just because I don’t care about what people say doesn’t mean I don’t hear it,” Dee said softly. Remus winced. “And yeah, I think it’s an interesting way to live your life, but it’s your own choice. But I don’t think you’re upset about something that was your own choice, Remus. Why would you be?”

“I…” Remus’s voice cracked and he covered his mouth, tears welling up in his eyes.

“No one has the right to you or your body based on how you act,” Dee said firmly. “Even if they tell you otherwise, and even if you believe otherwise, that’s the truth. Understand?” 

“I-I-I don’t know!” Remus choked out, hands shaking. “I… I wanted this! I wanted to be… I wanted the reputation I have! Don’t you get that? They never would’ve…”

“Shitty people do shitty things no matter what.” Dee pointed out. “If you didn’t tell them yes, they didn’t have the right to your time or body.”

“...I didn’t.” Remus whispered, burying his head in his hands. “I swear to god, I didn’t. I said no, I said it so many times, I… I didn’t… I didn’t want…”

“Hey,” Dee gently put a hand on Remus’s shoulder, light enough that Remus barely felt it. “I believe you, okay? And Patton would too if he were here. We believe you.” he paused. “And if your brother loves you, he will too.”

* * *

Remus stared idly at the television, arms crossed over his knees as he huddled on Patton’s couch. He hadn’t responded to Roman yet - he kept calling between every class. Dee and Patton… said he didn’t have to. Remus had never met someone like Dee and Patton before.

Instead, they were watching movies. An effective distraction from everything going wrong in Remus’s life.

Too bad Dee was responsible.

“Have you been to a hospital?” he asked once the movie ended, and before Patton could turn on the next one. 

“No.” Remus shrunk in on himself.

“You don’t know what kind of things they might have, and passed on to you,” Dee said gently. “And you need to report-”

“No!” Remus snapped.

Dee fell silent, biting his lip.

“Why?” Patton whispered. “Remus, if it’s a student at your school, they need to be stopped. Who knows what they’ll do if no one stops them. You can speak up about this.”

“I…” Remus blinked back tears and shook his head. “You don’t understand. I worked… I tried to get a specific reputation. This would completely change that. I can’t… I don’t want anyone to know. If people knew, they’d either copy the jerks who did this or refuse to see me again and I don’t… want that.”

“You need to get tested before you can see anyone again, anyway,” Dee said softly.

“I know.” Remus sighed. “I get tested often - I’m not a dick. I’m not gonna just spread shit around. Geez.”

“I didn’t say you were.” Dee protested.

“I know.” Remus sighed. “And I don’t know what to do.”

Did he even want to keep up his routine? Everything made him think of what happened - what would sex do? He’d break down and panic every single time. He couldn't do that. He had to change.

“Just do what you think is right,” Patton said softly. “One step at a time.”

Remus nodded, then looked over when the doorbell rang. Dee stood up, stretching.

“That must be Logan,” he said. “He’s bringing pizza - and notes since I missed class.” Remus winced. Maybe it was a different Logan. It had to be a different Logan.

“You okay?” Patton whispered. Remus didn’t answer.

“Wow, Logan, you look like shit.” Dee laughed as he let Logan in. They went to the kitchen, so Logan didn’t see him, but Remus knew it was his roommate. Shit. 

“I was up late helping some friends.” Logan sighed. “My roommate is missing, and I’m unfortunately friends with his brothers' boyfriend. So, I was helping.”

“...oh?” Dee asked, voice cracking slightly. “Any luck finding him?”

“No, but we know he’s safe, at lea-” Logan froze when he and Dee stepped into the living room. Remus buried his face in his arms, shrinking into the side of the couch. “Remus.”

“Oh, you know each other?” Patton asked conversationally, shifting slightly to block Remus from view. Which Remus appreciated.

“Logan, just-”

“Remus, do you have any idea how worried we’ve been?” Logan snapped, rushing over and pushing Patton to the side. “I mean, Roman’s been out of his mind with worry and you refuse to answer your phone - or even act like a regular human being!”

“Logan!”

“What on earth has gotten into you?” Logan grabbed Remus’s chin, forcing eye contact, and Remus froze, mind flashing back to that night.

No. no no no no no he didn’t want this he didn’t ask for this! Stop stop stop make it stop please make it-

“STOP!” 

Remus gasped, falling backward when Patton shoved Logan away. Logan, for his part, looked chagrined.

“You can’t just grab people without their permission!” Patton hissed. “Remus already passed out from a panic attack once recently, do you seriously want to give him another one? What’s wrong with you! I thought you were smart! And Remus is a human being and you better apologize or I-”

“P-Patton.” Remus managed, rubbing his eyes. Patton fell silent, turning to look at him. “It’s… okay. I take pride in not being a regular human being.”

“But!”

“I apologize for the distress.” Logan held up his hands. “I was simply surprised. It's not like these two to come between familial relationships.”

“Don’t contact them,” Dee said slowly. “Remus gets to choose who he talks to and doesn’t talk to. Understand?”

“Yes.” Logan adjusted his glasses. “Apologies again, Remus.”

“Ah, whatever, you nerd.” Remus managed a smirk, which melted into a genuine grin when Patton gasped and beamed.

“...Dee, I took notes for you in class.” Logan turned away, obviously awkward as he usually was. Dork.

“Your smile is so amazing!” Patton gushed, sitting back on the couch next to Remus.

“Nah, it’s mediocre at best.” Remus chuckled. “Yours is better, I’m afraid.”

“Well yeah, I practice in the mirror every day!” Patton rolled his eyes. “I’m just so happy to see you smile, Remus! It suits you!”

“Hmm.” Remus sighed, curling up once more in the corner of the couch.

“Now, what movie did you wanna watch next…?”

* * *

“All the tests came back negative.”

Remus had never been so relieved in his life. Getting some gross STD was always a thing he didn’t want to do - but to get one from being raped? Well, that would have made it a hundred times worse.

He hadn’t exactly told the people at his usual clinic why he was so stressed this time. Why he had two friends with him who were strangely jumpy. Why he was so anxious when the time came for an examination to take place.

He really hoped they didn’t notice or ask.

They didn’t ask anything, but he couldn't miss the look the nurse and the receptionist shot each other when he was on his way out. And he definitely couldn't miss the pamphlet for a support group that had been slipped into his backpack somehow before he left.

Dee and Patton being his friends was still a weird concept to try and grasp. He never really had or wanted friends before. But he knew for certain that he never wanted to let the two of them go. Not after what they’d done for him.

He was in… an okay mood, as he chatted with them outside an ice-cream parlor that afternoon. Not a great mood. He still felt contaminated and guilty and sad, but he wasn’t as sad as he had been.

Then, of course, the universe had to throw a wrench in his plans.

“REMUS!” 

Remus jumped, turning to see his brother sprinting down the sidewalk. Oh great.

Before he could react, Dee was on his feet and between them, grabbing Roman roughly a few yards away.

“What the hell? Who are you - let go of me!” Roman demanded. “Remus, thank god, what is going on with you?”

“Shut up.” Dee pushed him away. “Who are you?”

“Wh- I’m Remus’s brother!” Roman snapped. Dee glanced over his shoulder, meeting Remus’s gaze. Remus nodded, fiddling with his spoon, and Dee sighed.

“Fine.” he dragged Roman over to the table, staying between him and Remus. “I’m still not sure how to feel about you - seeing as after what happened Remus didn’t want you around - but it’s not my choice.”

“What- what do you mean after what happened?” Roman asked, irritated. “I’ve been trying to figure out what happened since Remus vanished yesterday! And why are you acting like I’m gonna punch him in the face or something? You think I’d hurt my own brother?”

“You think I’d risk it?” Dee snarled back.

“He’s not gonna hit me.” Remus rolled his eyes. “He knows I’d hit back, and I’m stronger than him.” and he should be strong enough to get sickos off of him, and yet he hadn’t been.

“Since when do you have a bodyguard, Remus?” Roman asked, shoulders slumping in defeat.

“Since I became president of the united states.” Remus declared. “I’m making it legal to hunt whales in Utah again.”

“It’s illegal to hunt whales in Utah?” Patton asked curiously.

“Not anymore.” Remus grinned, and Patton beamed.

“Stop changing the subject!” Roman groaned. “You always do this! Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong, Remus? I’m trying to help you, and you’re just…”

“I’m sorry,” Remus said softly. Roman’s mouth snapped shut and he just stared, shaking his head slightly.

“...what the fuck happened? You never apologize to me. You don’t even have a fucking reason to apologize to me!”

“I’m not gonna talk about it,” Remus said, then filled his mouth with mint ice cream so he couldn't say anything even if he tried. Roman sighed, head falling back to stare at the sky.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Roman finally said, breaking the awkward silence. “And I guess you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. But if you ever vanish like that again - right after a weird confrontation - I’ll murder you.”

“And I’ll haunt you,” Remus said in response. Roman smiled weakly, and a jolt of guilt flashed through Remus once again. He looked down at his ice cream, shoulders hunching slightly. “I’ll explain it all sometime,” he said softly, hating the very idea of what Roman may or may not say when he found out what happened. “But it’s been a long week.”

**Author's Note:**

> I still won't apologize.  
> Let the death threats roll.  
> none of y'all know where I live. Y'all will never find me.  
> MWAHAHAHAHA
> 
> also if you want a sequel lemme know cuz I wouldn't mind adding to this universe! <3  
> Love you all,  
> -Coby


End file.
